Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Save The Cakes

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Did you know that, every day, thousands of cakes go unpurchased?

It's true. These shunned desserts sit lonely and unloved on bakery shelves...

...only to eventually be shipped off to the day-old bread outlet.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

For a reduced price, you can help these poor, unwanted cakes find a place where they will be loved, cherished,

...and eaten.

That place being your belly.

Yes, your contribution can help provide loving tummies for rejected wrecks!

And just think: for the price of a candy bar, you can help turn these stale, unwanted, frosting-slathered sugar bombs...

...into a continuous sugar-high for someone else's hyperactive children.

And really, isn't that what we all want?

So please, visit your local bakery today, and save the cakes. For our future. For our children. And, for the love of Betty Crocker, tell them to stop making cupcake cakes while you're there.

I really can't take this kind of thing much longer.

Thank you.

Thanks to our "generous" "sponsors" Carly R., Garrett B., Jill B., Cheryl, Sabra L., Rasha H., and Dan & Christine M.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Flagging Enthusiasm

Monday, May 30, 2011

For reasons so obvious I won't even bother trying to explain them, Memorial Day has come to be synonymous with one thing and one thing only.

(Wait. There's also the furniture sales.)

Ok, two things and two things only.

Furniture sales, and this:

Just to clarify, I'm talking about grilling, not fecally suggestive icing puddles.

Yep, all over the country people are celebrating our military heroes by consuming good old-fashioned American hamburgers...

Flattened and with mayo on top, the way our founding fathers intended.

Hot dogs...

You can tell it's a hot dog because it clearly says, "Hat Dog."

...and, of course, whatever these are:

I'm going with "flaming Doritos."

Of course, bakeries know there's more to this holiday than food that looks like the other food you'll be eating today. That's why they also offer more "patriotic" designs; to stress the importance of remembering and honoring the sacrifices of our military.

It's just about dignity. You know?

Or how about a duck? A duck is totally patriotic:

Especially when you write "USA" on the flag so people know what country they're in.

Well, however you choose to celebrate it, may you have a wonderful Memorial Day. And remember: always show pride in your country by letting your freak flag fly.

Unless you'd rather eat it, of course.

Whichever you choose, just get rid of it. [shudder]

Thanks to wreckporters Chris W., Olivia I., Ashley P., Ashleigh G., Sarah B., Jessi J., & Heather M. for the grilling.


Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sunday Sweets: In Memory

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Today's Sweets are dedicated to the brave men and women who've given their all for our country. I hope you enjoy.

First to fight for the right,
And to build the Nation’s might,
And the Army goes rolling along.

Some super heroes wear capes around their necks.
Others wear dog tags.

From North and South and East and West
The Coast Guard's in the fight.
Destroying subs and landing troops,
The Axis feels our might.

By Cake Central user GL79

By Cake Central User LdySam1

Off we go into the wild blue yonder,
Climbing high into the sun!

Souls of men dreaming of skies to conquer
Gave us wings, ever to soar!

We live in fame or go down in flame. (Hey!)
Nothing'll stop the U.S. Air Force!

By Cake Central user helipops

By hockeymom

Believe it or not, that is NOT edible paper; it's a hand-piped technique known as frozen buttercream transfer. Amazing!

And full disclosure: this was actually made in honor of the Royal Canadian Air Force, but it was too gorgeous not to share. So, Canada, there's one for you. :)

By The Ladygloom

This fighter pilot helmet had me doing a double-take.

Anchors Aweigh, my boys, Anchors Aweigh!
Farewell to foreign shores,
We sail at break of day, of day.
Through our last night on shore,
Drink to the foam,
Until we meet once more.
Here's wishing you a happy voyage home!

From the Halls of Montezuma,
To the shores of Tripoli;
We fight our country's battles
In the air, on land, and sea;
First to fight for right and freedom
And to keep our honor clean:
We are proud to claim the title
Of United States Marine.

By Mike Elder of Black Sheep Custom Cakes

That entire gold topper is made of edible sugar paste and fondant. Wow.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Confectionary Compensating

Friday, May 27, 2011

Men, we need to talk.

Ladies, if you could just give us a minute? Thanks.

[tapping foot while 99.6% of readership leaves the room]

[whispering] Right, then. Listen, guys. I know some of you might be "concerned" that your bride-to-be has had wedding cake in the past. And yes, she probably has!

Hey, some girls have had lots of wedding cake.

And sure, ok, maybe they were fairly large cakes.

Maybe they were even huge cakes.

But that doesn't mean she won't be satisfied with a perfectly average-sized cake!

(Ok, you can't see her face - but I'm sure she's thrilled.)

So even if your wedding cake seems a bit small and overgrown...

Or perhaps leans to the right...

Or even has a little trouble staying upright...

...the important thing is to remember that your bride loves you, no matter what. The cakes of the past are the cakes of the past! No matter how massive and sweeping and awe-inspiring they may have been.


And if all else fails, you can always buy a Ferrari.

Thanks to Kimber M., Anony M., Julia H., Tessa D., Adrienne H., Jamie, Rachel O., and Anony M., who can come back in now.


Thursday, May 26, 2011


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Sometimes I find a wreck or two that makes me feel all poetical and stuff.

These...[dramatic pause]... are those wrecks.

Barren winter tree
on a giant bare cookie.
Woo. Celebration.

Circle of sprinkles
instead of decorations
because it's break time.

A fish in the sky.
She turned me into a newt!
But...I got better.

Packing foam peanuts,
A big shiny pile of...wait.

Is that Tiana?

Blue, orange, yellow.
A cheerful makeover for

the eye of Sauron.

And now, let's hear a piece from the king of beat poetry himself:

(via wimp)

Spot on, Data. Spot. On.

Thanks to Ellen B., Rachel W., Jodee R., Meg G., & Lizzie B. who also have hedonistic predilections for demonstrations of affection, but we don't talk about that.

Note from john: Today's comment board kerfuffle shall be titled: Orange: One syllable or two?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Happy Towel Day!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hey, hoopy froods, it's Towel Day! This is the day when we celebrate hitchhiking the galaxy, Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters, and, of course, potted petunias.

I wonder if they'll be friends with me?

So, grab your towel...

Hey, even the terrible ones have fringe benefits.

...and sit back and relax while I serve up something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a teapot.


This hypnotized bunny rabbit is mostly harmless.

He may also be a teapot:

But that's pretty improbable.

Besides, it could always be worse.

Like so:

My, mister teapot, what an unfortunately colored spout you have.

Hey, here's a tip:

So, in conclusion:


Oh, and:

"Want to see my spaceship?"

Thanks to Cassandra, Tracy B., Amanda Q., Leigh J., Kendra H., and Margaret C., my plastic pals who're fun to be with!