Saturday, April 30, 2011

Spot The Hidden Mickey

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Who's the center of the club
that's made for you and me?




Ohhh! MLT!*

Thanks to the amazing Sweet Designs Kitchen for having a sense of humor matched only by their talent. Wreck on, guys.

*So perky!

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Cinderella Story

Friday, April 29, 2011

With all the royal wedding coverage out there, a lot of us girls have been spending this week imagining our own Princess Diaries moment.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but mine goes a little something... like this...

[harpsichord dream sequence music plays]

First, there's a whirlwind romance with the dashing stranger who looks like a cross between Nathan Fillion and Kiefer Sutherland during his Three Musketeers days.

(Awww yeeeeah.)

Next, we sink straight into the Fire Swamp.

No, no, just kidding.

Next we play BioShock together until 2AM.

Later, after
dressing up as Venkman and Staypuft for Halloween (I'm Venkman, of course), and confessing our undying love for one another, there's a painfully romantic proposal:

Performed in an inflatable kiddie pool.

"Jen," my dashing prince would say, "Will you be my own Princess Peach?"

To which I would respond, "Are you kidding? Do Vulcans need the Pon Farr?
"(But we are going to Disney for the honeymoon, right?)"

And, BAM! I'm a princess! Next thing you know, I'm living in a castle...

"And over here is your TARDIS closet. As you can see, it is much, MUCH bigger on the inside."

...and wearing pretty princess crowns...

(Modeled after crabby Space Invaders, apparently.)

...and pretty princess dresses...

("Talk about your trunk space, check this action out!")

...and riding my Princess Vespa around...

(Ok, technically this would be a Princess Harley.)

...and...and...wait. You know what? Other than the castle and crown stuff, I've already got my fairy tale ending, complete with BioShock playing, Princess Bride quoting, brownie baking prince. (Love you, Sweetie.)

So I guess I'll just end here by wishing all of you:

I like the short and fluffy ones, myself.

Thanks to today's dream team Debbie B., Anony M., Lisa V., Lisa P., Julia B., Vanessa C., & Stephanie S., who, for the record, never even knew fairies *had* tails.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Royal Affair

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Like all of you, I am simply in a TIZZY waiting to see the royal wedding tomorrow. Or, more accurately, the royal wedding cake.

I mean, think about it: this is the cake that must end all cakes. It has to outshine, outdo, and outhouse every dream of every girl who has ever dreamed of being a princess! [sigh]

Plus, just imagine the unbelievable stress the poor bakers must be under at this very moment. The agony! The suspense! The weighty sense of impending doom, should their one shot at world-wide glory, fame, and adoration fail! BWAHAHAHAAAA!

Er...I mean...

Wishing you the best of luck, guys!

So, what do you think it'll be? Something colorful?

Something modern?


Of course, whatever it is, you know it'll have to be an upstanding specimen...

...with just the right emphasis on the fact that they live in a castle, and you don't:

Hey, maybe it'll be inspired by Kate's wedding dress!

Or maybe it'll just show the couple's deep love and affection for one another:

("Pardon me, your lordship, but would you care for a slice of chocolate thigh?"

"Ruddy good, yes! Tally ho! What what!*")

Well, whatever the outcome tomorrow, I'm sure so long as the bakers don't give the happy couple the cold shoulder, they'll be fine.


Must. Stop. Staring at. Shoulder hock.

Many thanks to wreckporters Christin S., Gary & Brittany J., Melissa B., Kelli B., Amy E., Anna K., and Lou for today's joint efforts.

*Yes, I know all British people do not sound like this. But the really
cool ones do.

Note from john: For some reason, the comment section is acting all wonky today so if you don't have a Google account, you can't leave a comment. With any luck, the Google Overlords will fix the problem soon. Wreck On!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Annual Wreckage Review

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Good season, bakers, good season! A lot of you showed up, some of you made some stuff, a few gave roughly 65%, and I'd say this Easter was our 'best' yet!

"Now, let's review how our new designs performed this year. Elmer? I believe you have some numbers for us?"

"Yes, thank you, sir. [starting slide show] First up, our 'Clown Face Bunny' here made a huge impression in the 3-7 age bracket...

"...but, unfortunately, most were screaming too incoherently for us to make much of their feedback.

"Next up, 'Dalek Face' seemed to garner a lot of attention from college students in particular:

"Plus at least one customer was spotted chasing his girlfriend yelling, 'EXTERMINATE,' so I'd call that a 'win.'"

"'Bunny brick,' however, went over like a ton of itself:

"I think next year we should add a tail."

"Our cross-over design for Passover, 'Rabbi Rabbit', also had mixed reviews:

"Something about an explosive head injury? I don't know. You guys see anything wrong here?"

"'Well, moving on, 'Ninja Bunny' made a killing, in a manner of speaking:

"So I'd say we made a good call on the throwing carrots."

"'Baby Bunny Cake' was also a hit...

", with cats.
"Yes, I know it's strange, but we had several customers wander over from the pet aisle, and they told us their cats loved the feather accents. So that's a keeper right there."

"'Puddle o' Poo,' however, actually got a few complaints:

"It turns out our marketing team was wrong: people only like chocolate icing poo when it's featured on Cake Wrecks. To quote our Marketing lead Stacey, 'Our bad.'"

"And finally, our Simpsons tribute lamb may need to get chopped next year. (Heh. Aheh. Little joke for you there.)

"Ahem. Yes, it turns out, not everyone loves Moe the bartender. So next year Marketing suggests we try a Maggie model, with a sugar pacifier."

"It's gonna be awesome."

Thanks to our Wreckporter Review Committee Kay S., Meghann M, Leanne P., Beth P., Alicia F., Katie G., Caitlin T., & Julia S. See y'all next year!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Paper View

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Edible paper. Edible paper. EDIBLE PAPER!! Amaze your friends! Astound your coworkers! All you need is...EDIBLE PAPER!!!

(The following message is brought to you by the National Board of Edible Paper and Non-edible Babies.)

Hey there, baker! Lonely sheet cakes got ya down?

[defeated trombone slide]

No worries. Now you can turn this:

"Boo! That's so BORING and PHOTOLESS!"

...Into THIS!

"Wow! Is that paper? That you can EAT??"

Yes, it is! And now your bakery can make literally trillions of dollars with a little help from this fabulous product, known as...


With Edible Paper (and our conveniently included vehicle clip-art starter pack), you can...

Cut costs!

---What better, more cost effective way is there to celebrate a bride-to-be's journey than with...

...recreational vehicle clip-art?

With a few roses and a stick figure bride, this shower cake is ready to roll!

Save time!

---Why waste precious hours fumbling with piping bags when it takes only a second to hit "Print?"

And it's still just as meaningful.

It's EASY!

---No artistic talent? No problem!! Hearts are difficult to draw, but an edible hearse is just a keystroke away!

Death becomes it!

Yes, with Edible Paper, you are only limited by your Imagination*!

*Imagination clip-art packs sold separately.

Now, don't put away that "Eternal Rest" photo pack just yet; when a customer asks you to "just make it nice ," it's really your time to shine!

You can rest in peace knowing your customer is happy.

Do you love fried chicken? I mean, LOVE love it? But not so much that you want to eat anything that actually tastes like fried chicken? Then you're in luck!

It's finger lickin' great!

Edible Paper!

Edible Paper. Transforming your baby shower cakes from this...

Into this:

You're welcome.

Thanks to Susan H., Liana E., Nathan S., Dana H., Taryn, Kerry M., Adam D., Wendy M., Mollie B., who think these cakes look pretty tearable.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Passover These Wrecks

Monday, April 25, 2011

During the celebration of Passover, it's traditional for participants to avoid all types of leavening, like yeast. In fact, you could say this is one of the most important, key features of the entire celebration.

So maybe someone should tell these bakers.

Let's hope it ages well.

Now, before I start an Epcot here: yes, there *are* flour-less Passover cakes and pastries.

But I'm pretty sure this isn't one of them:

And if there's time, Google "Passover."

And then return that Wonders of the Pyramids gift book.

During Passover there is a special dinner called the Seder, which is used to recount the Exodus story and teach the younger generations. It is very Jewish. By which I mean, if you're *not* Jewish, or of the Jewish faith, then you're probably not celebrating the Seder. And, at least to my knowledge, there are no Buddhist Seders or New Age Seders or Ed Hardy Seders; Jews pretty much have a corner on the Seder market.

Why do I bring this up?



Hey, is this like wishing someone a "Merry Christian Lent"?

'Cuz I'm totally doing that now.

(Although, all things being equal, maybe I should write it on a chocolate bar.)

Thanks to today's Wreckporters Evelyn G., Amy K., & Alana M. for getting a rise out of these Wrecks.

Update from john: [rubbing temples] To those of you currently chilling in the Epcot Bunker™, yes, anyone can make a lovely Seder. Apparently there are [insert comment count here] non-Jews doing so.

It's still Jewish.

That is all.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sunday Sweets: Happy Easter!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter, everyone! Whether you're chomping off chocolate bunny ears, off to church, laying off the leaven, or none of the above, I hope these Sweets make your Sunday a little sweeter.

Swirly roses make me happy.

Submitted by Nicole D., made by Sweet Cupcakes



Sub'd by Madeline B., made by The Icing on the Cake

I love the soft pastels on these birthday bunnies:

Sub'd by Sadie I., made by Bobbette & Belle

This one, too:

See the little bunny butts in the circles? I like how modern and subtle they are.

Or how about this cute chick?

Sub'd by Lyn, made by Sweet Tooth Cakes

These ribbons and flowers really pop out at you:

By Cake Fixation

Sooo pretty!

Try not to melt when you see these cupcakes:

By Death by Cupcake

Stand back; I may faint from cute overload.

Those toppers are actually decorated cookies. And the sanding sugar on the Peeps? PERFECTION.

In fact, there are tons of gorgeous Easter cookies out there:

By Sugar Belle

I want those carrots. The swirly outlines are so fun!

(For lots more cookie cuties, check out this round-up. Gorgeous!)

Whenever I think of Easter, I think of lilies. So for a more elegant turn, let's check out some of the best gumpaste stargazer lilies I've ever seen:

By the-icing-on-the-cake

All of those flowers and foliage are handmade. Seriously! Click on the pic and look at it close-up: you'll be blown away. Plus, this is only one of three tiers; hit the link to see the others.

Now, how about some calla lilies?

By Cake Chester

Breath-taking. The leaf swirls really make the design come alive.

And finally, here's a perfect combination of elegance and whimsy:

By Cakeryblog

Of course, I *am* biased when it comes to sugar carrots. ;)

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Happy Eappy!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

You know how everyone's always saying that cakes need spell check?

Ok, NOW what's our excuse?

Many thanks to Amanda S., who knows an "ID:Ten-T"error when she sees one.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Yolk's On Us

Friday, April 22, 2011

I'll be posting my Passover greetings this Monday, but in the meantime, allow me to wish the rest of you a truly heartfelt...

And I mean that.

All together now! Who are we?


And what are we celebrating?


It's kind of like Easter, only for people named Ed who have an aversion to script.

Of course, to many people Easter is the celebration of Christ's resurrection.

To others, it's the celebration of strung-out bunnies in search of their next omelet.

Sometimes this can lead to Easter being accused of over commercialization, and focusing too little on its religious roots. However, when it comes to cake, at least, I think I can speak for us all when I say...

(Photo removed at the request of the baker. Please enjoy this lovely photo of Epcot.)*

Let's just stick to wrecking the bunnies.

After all, the lamb cake is often said to represent either the Passover lamb or Christ himself. So with that in mind, look at this cake:


Now tell me: which is creepier? That, or...


Ok, we'll call it a draw.

In fact, both of those were so creepy I nearly pooped a pumpkin! But then I realized that wouldn't be season-appropriate. So instead, I...

...excreted an egg.

Thanks to Megan C., Kelley N., Lisa B., Byron K., Erin E., Kristy B., & Darla D. for cracking us up. Hard-boiled humor like this always goes over easy.

*The picture we removed was of a cross cake which was a bit wonky, had random decorations and was "decorated" (squirted) with white icing. Really quite lovely especially if you're a fan of king cakes.