Monday, February 28, 2011

Initial Discomfort

Monday, February 28, 2011

Monograms can add that perfect crowning touch of elegance to your wedding cake.

Or, they can look like this:

Proof that sometimes it's better to quit before letting your five-year-old write on the cake.

Still, it could be worse.

The monogram could match the rest of the cake:

Hey, it's not easy to make tinfoil look this good.

If you do find a mistake in your cake's monogram, don't panic. There are plenty of seamless ways for your baker to fix the error.

This isn't one of them.

Now, I'm all for sharing new words, broadening folks' horizons, furthering education, etc, but if you have to explain to the baker of your wedding cake what a monogram is - a "T, J, and H" put together, for example - then maybe, just maybe, a few alarm bells should go off.

Or I suppose you could just take your chances.

After all, what could go wrong?




At least the quotes add a little something "extra."

Thanks to today's wedding wreckporters Anony M., Hilary R., Cyndi P., & Cyndee M., who think all bakers should be required to ask, "Can I quote you on that?"

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Oscar's Sunday Sweets

Sunday, February 27, 2011

In honor of the Oscars tonight, I've put together a collection of Sweets representing each of the top nominees for Best Picture.

[Opening envelope] And the nominees are...

The Fighter

By Palermo's Bakery

As Mal Reynolds would say: shiny.

Black Swan

Just imagine a much darker, hallucinating cake counterpart lurking right outside of frame.

Toy Story 3

By Iced Over

Lots more detail and in-process shots here!

True Grit

By mrm71

Not the best photo, but check out the amazing details in the brick, nails, and rope:

The Social Network

Found via @zfarmville, baker unknown

Oh, like you use Facebook for anything else anyway.

127 Hours

Granted, I went a little abstract on this one. If you want a better fit (and have a reeeeally strong stomach), then you could always go with this cake instead. But don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

The Kids Are All Right

Do Mr. Bump and Miss Giggles fit this title perfectly, or what? So cute!

The King's Speech

With cakes this gorgeous, it certainly is.


Made by Cory of Rosebud Cakes

Because Inception and Salvador Dali are a match made in heaven.
Or maybe just crazy dreams.

Happy Oscar-watching, everyone!

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Wrecky Double-Cross

Saturday, February 26, 2011

I've got a special treat for you today, guys: My friend John Gjertsen likes making double crostic puzzles, and recently he made a special Cake Wrecks one. If you're a fan of word puzzles then I highly recommend it - and if you need an extra carrot [smirk], I can tell you that the solution will give you a sneak peek at The Next Big Thing for Cake Wrecks. (Ooooh - mysteeeerious!)

Click the image below to download the full-size puzzle:

Oh, and no sharing answers in the comments! Lest I be forced to call you a "cheater cheater pumpkin eater!" And believe me, no one wants that.

Friday, February 25, 2011

A Matter of Life and Death

Friday, February 25, 2011

Sure, the Oscars are this Sunday - but all *I* see is a handy excuse to quote one of my favorite movies ad nauseam.

Let's begin, shall we?

This doesn't bode well.

That's also the only Oscars wreck I have, so from here on out it's all booze, guns, and gangster talk. Woohoo!

Thank you. But don't call me "boss."

Hey, are you still packin'? Fork it over.

I mean that literally.

It's like disarming Germany.

If Germany had one giant icing bullet and a bunch of smaller, cupcake bullets, that is.

(What, you couldn't tell those were shotgun shells?)

(Of course I knew! I just had no idea!)

You're just saying that because of the guns. And don't call me "bosss," either.

For Dr. Poole ("'Allo!") we have this treasure trove of linguistic anomalies:

And such nicely rounded dipthongs.

In fact, I'd say these wrecks call for a celebration!

But don't worry; we only keep this in the house for yacht christenings.

Matthew C., Aimee W., DB, Jennifer W., Robert K., Rachael F., & Marian R., let me show you the door. THERE'S THE DOOR!

Oh, and if you're completely lost right now, I'd suggest starting here.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

You Talkin' To Me?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)

Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.

Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"

I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.

When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:

And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.

According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?

Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.

* Which I just made up.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wreck Reaction

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Guys, I think the Wreckerators are on to us.

Yep, while we've been focusing on all the actual *cake* wrecks, bakers have been industriously wrecking just about every other item in the bakery, and then some.

How else can you explain "The Brownie Ball?"

It's a giant ball of icing with brownies stuck in it.

I kid thee not.

Now, do I want to eat this?
Of course I do.
Does that make it excusable?
No, it does not.

Hey, just because *I* don't have any self-respect doesn't mean bakers shouldn't.

Or, if you prefer your giant ball of icing rolled in sprinkles and served on a cookie platter:

Perfect for the children of someone you hate.

It's not all sugar and sprinkles, though. Hoooo no. See, unfortunately, the deli guys decided to get in on the "decorating" action, too.


Billy Bear Bologna:

And you thought nothing could make chicken mcnuggets look healthy.

The world's cheesiest gingerbread man:

"Oh noooo!"

Yes, that's really a cheese "ball." Decorated with icing.
Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!

And finally, for that perfect Beetlejuice-inspired treat...

Pineapple upside down shrimp "cake:"


Hey Amanda, Erin M., Zoe R., Nicole B., & Brittany B., daylight come and me wan' go home.

[Update: the final "cake" has sparked a lively debate in the comments, so perhaps this video instructional on making a "Smörgåscake" (submitted by Marcus B.) will help.

Just kidding; it won't. But if you want to see a guy yelling instructions in "Swenglish" and violently throwing ingredients around, then it's pretty funny.]

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Bake a Cake, Diss A Vow

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.

So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.

Or misspell it, as the case may be.

Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press on the first tier, but then gave up and free-handed the rest. And how "forword" is misspelled. And that "for worse" is left off. Now note the spacing. And the colors. And the...oh, are you ready to move on?

I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?


Jessica wanted the writing on her cake to match the font of their invitations, so she brought in this handy reference picture:

She also asked that the roses be made of icing.

Drum roll, please!

I especially like the roses. Classy.

I think this one's my favorite, though:

Give it a minute.

Let it all sink in. Or line up. Or whatever.

Now, at first I thought the baker had stacked these in the wrong order, since it kind of looks like the top tier connects with the bottom one. When I saw the back, though, I realized:

I actually have no idea what is going on with this cake.

And finally, a tip for all your wedding wreckage:

The uglier it is, the more you should emphasize the word "beautiful."


Thanks to our wedding wreckporters Leslie F., Meagan R., Joe D., Jessica S., Angela C., & HickBride, who are all da bomb. But not Jägerbombs. 'Cuz that'd be weird.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Oh! So THAT's Why There's No Mail!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Today we here in the U.S. celebrate our first president's birthday.

But more importantly...

[ripping off coat to reveal red, white, and blue sequin-covered jumpsuit]

...we celebrate America.

Hit it, Christina!

Um, well, I think that's supposed to be "whose"...

"Paroles?" Is this song about a prison break?


I've just spent 10 seconds trying to pronounce "hallulliah," and I can't stop laughing. Help.

[regaining composure] Ahem.

And now, in honor of George Washington and the day of his birth, let's see some starfish doing the tango.

That's for you, George.

And, since some people think Washington's family crest actually helped inspire the red and white stripes on Old Glory, let's take a moment to spotlight the care and respect bakers still show our nation's flag today:

The blue waves represent the sea of our educational incompetence.

Yessir, I think ol' George would have liked these bakers, with their real American values and their real American piping bags. After all, if there's one thing real Americans know, it's the shape of their own country.

Dibs on Toronto.

Thanks to today's real American heroes Ember P., Terra F., Aziza, & Jill W.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday Sweets: Wedding Wonders

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Shaped and themed cakes are awesome, of course, but I still drool and dream over more traditional wedding cakes, too. After all, they've come a long way from just simple tiers with flowers - even the simple tiers with flowers!

Submitted by Ariadne, made by Sweet Life Patisserie

Love this SO MUCH.

And take a look at this amazing "fabric" pleating:

Sub'd by Joey S., made by Delectable by Su

Hard to believe those tufted pinwheels and embroidered borders are all sugar. It's so perfect!

And check out the string work on this engagement beauty:

Sub'd by Rachel, made by Hana of A Piece of Cake

I love the curls on the top tier, and the piping on the bottom lace collar and upper level strings is simply awe-inspiring. Skill like this always renews my faith in cake artistry. :)

Here's a sweet dress-inspired design:

Sub'd by Becky N., made by Jackie Nelson

Look at the design at the bottom of the skirt ruffles!

And how's this for a modern twist on a classic?

Sub'd by Tifany D., made by Elizabeth's Cakes

If you've never stacked or tried to support cakes in the shape of a ball before, let me assure you: it's hard. And all that detail! Totally swoon-worthy.

Another rounded design:

Sub'd by Emily T., made by See-Through-Silence

See that lace border on top? Someone piped that. Yeah. Respect!

And speaking of mad piping skills:

By Tom S. of The Cake Gallery

Whoah. This reminds me of the Victorian-themed Grand Floridian resort here in Orlando. Frills and bows and hand-piped lace, oh my!

Or, for a more modern touch:

Sub'd by Danielle L., baker unknown

This has been one of my favorite designs since before I even started CW. I love the swirls and the bold flowers.

Or, how about John's favorite?

Sub'd by Chrystal B., made by Sugarbelle Cakes


And finally, the cake that had me scooping my jaw off the desk:

Sub'd by Ashley D., made by Susan Trianos (aka Peecheekeeno)

That's all *cake*, guys. Look at that tufted tier in the middle. LOOK AT IT. Now, tell me: how the heck do they DO that? Not to mention the perfect corset lacing, the bows, the ruffles, the porcelain-perfect gumpaste roses...seriously, I think I could stare at this all day. Just. Gorgeous.

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.