Friday, April 23, 2010

Dolly Wants to Play...

Friday, April 23, 2010

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

Don't... make... eye contact...

All tucked in, and ready to kill.


"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."

"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."


Note: This cake is not to scale.

Usually the pacifier is much larger.


Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?

It is? Poor taste, huh?
...
Ok, what about its head?
...
No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.


Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....

- Related Wreckage: Come On Barbie, Let's Go Party
The Boob Nazi said...

That first one actually made me scream "AHH" aloud. I'm only slightly embarrassed of this fact.

Fluffy Cow said...

That first one? The eyes totally follow you wherever you go in the room...

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I fear for my sanity, as my first thought observing the first baby cake was "My goodness, that's far too much icing,that'll make a person sick!"

Clearly, help is needed.

Nicole said...

I recently came across your blog via facebook. I make cakes myself, so one I really enjoy your blog. My 5 year old happened to be sitting next to me when I opened this entry and she said to me..."Uh, Mommy...those cakes are, um, well...scaring me. Those are creeeeepy cake." I told her I couldn't agree more. That first one....Yikes!
Nicole

Taylor said...

I'm so glad other people are creeped out by dolls too! That and little kids singing slow songs in a minor key!

http://myolderbrothers.blogspot.com/2009/07/guys-and-dolls.html

Suzy said...

Oh my gosh, Fluffy Cow-- you're right!

PinkPrincessAli said...

The first one is definitely creepy, although dolls in general are pretty creepy and putting them on cake is just weird.

Osaka_Mary said...

I totally want a bed like the third cake!

Anonymous said...

Well the first 2 commenters answered my question. The first picture is so totally screwed up it looks like it was taken thru mud, but apparently it's just me 'cause they can see it.

Anywho; who's the perv who volunteers to lick all that frosting off those things? I would never look at them the same again.

Tigerwolf said...

That fourth picture? The watermelon?

It’s Epcot.

(Ducks and runs away while screaming, “I had to do it! I had to do it!!”)

^..^

P.S. Or, in honor of the Bard’s birthday today: “Exit, pursued by a bear.”

Kathryn H said...

Is #2 resting it's little head on a wadded toilet paper? I'll have to put that into my arsenal of cake decorating accessories. Who'd have thought of that?

rascalmom said...

Those are darn creepy. But as a frosting addict, I have to say about the first one, that buttercream work is gorgeous! If I could ignore the baby somehow (blinders of some very specific sort maybe?) I would totally shovel that cake in....

The third one: The scale makes it look as if it's a cake celebrating (? uh really?) the birth of a waaaaaaaay preterm fetus. For some...psychotic reason.

kimberj said...

Is it me or do all these look like babies in coffins or sleepy snow white style babies. Yeesh. "yes mam, I'd like to order me one of those zombie baby cakes. Yes the one with the creepy staring eyes. No, it's not for a baby shower my wife wants to get pregnant and I'm trying to scare the hell out of her."

Smendrick said...

Totally creepy! And some of those look more like coffins than bassinets to me!

Lauren Borquez said...

Wow...really can't fathom actually CUTTING into these...shivers

Cathy said...

Glad I'm not the only one who finds them scary. You think these dolls are creepy. I had a baby doll with the coloured iris missing in one eye. Now, that one was SCARY!
Even so, they're nothing like "reborns" Take alook at these!
http://www.reborn-baby.com/

Skurvy said...

I've been lurking for quite a while, but this has finally motivated me to post. Those are just horrible. Now I have "Creepy Doll" by Jonathan Coulton stuck in my head. I think he must have been looking at a cake like that first one when he wrote that song.

Cara said...

That first one? It's a witch. The instant the page loaded, I was frozen in place by its gaze. For several minutes, I couldn't look away, not even to read the text above it. I think it sucked out half my life force with its eyes. AUGH!

WHY would anyone put that on a cake? WHY?!

Alisa said...

These cakes should come with a "not safe for work" disclaimer. YOU trying explaining to your boss why you just started screaming in terror.

Taylor said...

I'm glad someone else feels the same way. Dolls are creepy.

Donkaloosa said...

That last bed looks like a cataflaque --- or however it is you spell it --- the base that a coffin rests on --- so is the baby dead?
They all give me the creeps.

Ashley said...

My baby shower is today. I'm wishing I could get the first cake for festivities. Too funny!

John said...

John Dash
That first one looks like it is lying in a coffin.

Jessica said...

Stepford babies. Eww.

mamabearstamps said...

What is UP with those icing "blankets"?!? And the pillows?! Really?? You need to put a stuffed pillow on a cake?! These are terrifying.

Kris said...

The last one looks like they have the baby's head straped to the bed with frosting.

Amanda Mac said...

Creepy as hell... but surprisingly well done for cake wrecks... especially the detail on the blanket on the first one.

But the eyes... dear lord, the eyes!

Ivy said...

Ivy

I almosted expected to see any one of those dolls to suddenly pop up and give an even scarier look... just like in a horror movie. (I'm thinking of that one scene in Dragonfly where the kid was flatlined and his opened super wide suddenly) *shudders*

Ivy said...

Sorry. I meant to say his "eyes" opened super wide lol

Anonymous said...

I'm sure that no dolls with eyes that close were used because it would look like a doll funeral, but I still don't see how it's better that your cake celebrates the village of the damned.

Miranda said...

Babies? eek! I far prefer Barbie cakes. You feel slightly less perverted licking icing off of Barbie, you know. ;)

Erin - Thrift Madness said...

You'll appreciate this then...

http://i1016.photobucket.com/albums/af282/thriftmadness/IMG_4471-1.jpg

Becky said...

Other than the creepy doll, that first one is actually very well done. For a second I thought maybe it would be better if they just used a doll whose eyes were closed, but then it would look like a creepy doll in a coffin.... the doll thing just doesn't work.

Heidi said...

The last one is a troll baby with its hair hidden under the frosting!

Nancy said...

I was thinking dead babies, until I read the comment about Village of the Damned. Yes, that's it. Old movie but still so creepy. Think brick wall, think brick wall.

Receptionist Row said...

It is so cool when the Dollar Tree becomes a baker's one stop source for cake accessories. They have it all, and only one dollar!

Momcat said...

It's a shame that so much generally excellent decorating was wasted on such terrifying cakes. Upon seeing the first cake, I thought "what a gorgeous cake, maybe this is the good example for all the wrecks to come," right before, "Holy crappin' crap, that baby is going to rip my face off with her fangs!"
Favorite Bard quote: What fresh Hell is this?

Lisa said...

Okay, so these are creepy, but somewhat less creepy than designs in which you are supposed to *eat* the baby. All I can think of is what you are going to do with a big sticky frosting-covered baby when everybody has eaten the cake. Yuck.

Anonymous said...

The eyes! The eyes are following me!! And the AAARRRRMMMMMSSSSS!!!!

That last one -- with the icing all over it? Way creepy.

OKBridetoBe said...

I particularly like that the second one looks like it's resting it's head on a pillow of quilted northern bath tissue...on the cake...

postmommy said...

I've always been terrified of baby dolls, also. In fact, the only way this post could have been creepier is if you had thrown in some clowns.

CD said...

The fisrt one was the creepiest. The rest are actually not bad, especially the one with the blue checkered blanket. I actually like that one!

burton said...

Hilarious post, hilarious comments. I laughed so hard milk came out of my nose. (The fact that I wasn't drinking milk at the time is disconcerting. Probably a result of making eye contact with zombie baby #1)

Tigerwolf - Watermelon Epcot FTW.

Like others I'm getting the strong funeral vibe from all these cakes.

Miranda - your comment made me laugh out loud, followed by, "Wait..." and now I'm deer-in-the-headlights for a response. Honestly, I got nothing.

sendingtheclowns said...

@ Cathy:
You're not KIDDING.
You should add a disclaimer to that link, dear--people need to be vigorously warned about what they're getting into.
They do look like real babies...but the ones with closed eyes look real DEAD, especially the pictures with a sepia tone that makes them look like something you'd find in your great grandmother's attic. (The picture, not the "babies.")
One is a baby MONKEY, with a pacifier in its mouth. It makes me queasy to think that there probably are real people who would find "Baby Teeto" just too precious for words...
Horrific.

*waiting for racing heartbeat to calm down and panicked breathing to return to normal*

OTHER THAN THAT!!
Hey--nice DAY out, isn't it?
I need to go pump my brain out --see ya!
=^@.e^=

Melinda said...

My husband looked at this with me (uncommon) and said number 3 looks like it's lying in a coffin, while number 4 looks like it's roped down - so cruel!

But that first one is just. plain. creepy!

Side note: my word verification word is petypopo...weird word.

Anners said...

HA! Can we also add: "Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?" "Cause he puts an addictive chemical in it that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart a**!" "Aha. Cuckoo!" Brilliant! Love love love 'So I married an axe murderer'...will be quoting it all day now.

Sue from Canada said...

It's the SECOND one that gives ME the creeps. ugh. Not even mentioning the toilet paper pillow thing. The third one? Looks like a baby on it's deathbed. double ugh. And WTF the last one looks like a baby about to go into some sort of MRI machine or something... like some weird medical baby game it's playing.

flying gargoyle said...

I cannot tell which is creepier: the Damien cake (#1) or the Rosemary's Baby cake (#3 - includes Taro Root!).

Obviously, both were baked at the Addams Family Bakery on Mockingbird Lane.

Caroline B said...

Jeez, I think I read too much Stephen King because these just give me the heebie-jeebies. I'm just waiting for them to rise up out of their frosting bonds and start coming for me with their nasty dolly teeth.......

shelleyjanae said...

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read:

I LOVE CHILDREN!
they are delicious.

Creepy. And hilarious. And creepy.

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

Dolls don't generally creep me out, but I'm reminded of the episode of Destination Truth where they go to the Island of the Dolls. That doll's eye opened by itself! Now THAT is scary.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

MomLovesDeals said...

I asked my 4 year old if he would like to eat those cakes and he said, "No way! Not with babies! Those are toys right? They look weird!" My thought exactly, haha.

Debs said...

That 3rd one looks like they started to mummify the baby in pink wrappings!

Leisel said...

I would never want a cake like this, but I am extremely curious as to how they did the basketweave blanket on the second cake shown... if it's buttercream, how did they get it to be drapey. It has me stumped.

Jessica W said...

I should have heeded your warning. My husband is away and I'm alone for the weekend, I'm pretty sure that first one is going to come kill me in my sleep.

Sand Mama said...

#1 and #3 kind of look like scary vampire babies in coffins. These are horrible, worse than belly cakes...

thesacredandtheprofane said...

The only way to possibly make this any "better" (read:creepy) is if they use the creepy babies at Target that coo and giggle when you walk by. Even my daughter gets freaked out by the Creepy Baby Dolls as she calls them. Won't even go down that aisle any more because of them. Maybe I'll have to see if someone can decorate a cake with one. Wouldn't it be great to have the baby coo at your right before you cut into it? Yum!

WV: folis- Creepy Baby Cakes are what happens when you're pregnant and don't take your folis acid. Or maybe when you DO take your folis acid. It's a bad folis acid trip...

jess said...

my friends think i'm weird because babydolls/dollbabies FREAK ME OUT.
I mean, their staring little eyes and faces... Creepy! The only doll I allowed to be given to my nearly-3-year-old was a cabbage patch kid, and that's because it's not too creepy.
who would eat the frosting around the babydoll... I'm a frosting junkie, but that's just, um, weird.

WV: engsaggi
what happens to your boobs after pregnancy/nursing.

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like a Goth baby with heavy black eyeliner. If only it had a black-leather-and-metal-spiked-collar around its neck...

Rock on, righteous demon spawn!

Greeblygreebly said...

AAAAHHHHHHH! HOW about a little spoiler space? Eh? For those of us with weak constitutions. *shudders*

Dani said...

I never liked baby dolls but my daughter LOVES them. She has one horid one my grandparents gave her which I have christened "Ugly doll".

Tori said...

The first one looks like it should be holding a sharp object in it's outstretched hand...*shudder*

Gary said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alferd_Packer

Either all of these cakes are from the Alferd G. Packer Bakery, or there's a contest somwhere to produce illustrations for Johnathan Swift's pamphlet, "A Modest Proposal."

Whatever the prize may be, the contest has a great many entries.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Whoa. Zombie babies in frosting. 0_0

Just what the expectant mother wants at her baby shower, no?

Anonymous said...

I am creeped out by dolls too, ever since going into an antique store when I was younger and they were selling a doll with no head. The first cake, brought me back to that store with the image fresh in on my mind.

kara said...

The extra creepy part for me is that they look like they're being laid out on some sort of sacrificial cake altars. Eek!

Marin D said...

I hate to say this but they remind me of babies in caskets. I have been to a couple of infant funerals and the babies look like dolls in that state. Just creepy. Those cakes remind me of that. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

The first one reminds me of the creepy serial killer baby ... Chucky, right ?
Scared the s*** out of me when I was a kid, and still gives me goosebump whenever I look at baby dolls (I sympathize with you Jen !)
Seriously, this cake could (COULD, as in a vague possibility) take my appetite of cakes ...
*shudders and grabs blankie*
wv: preot
Actually, in France, it's the protection for the children at school during recess so ...
Love from France
Naomi
PS : I keep looking, but French bakeries are :
- either aware of this website, and thus not making any wreck in order to protect the friendship between France and the US
- or very afraid of frosting, and thus are not using it ...
Your opinion on this, Jen ? Readers ?

Mags said...

Those are the types of dolls that I used to hide in my BROTHER'S room so that they wouldn't kill me in the middle of the night...!

Thanks for another awesome laugh!
;) Mags
magsgraphics.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

@ Melinda
Your WV made me laugh so hard !
In phonetic, that would mean "little poop" in French, like when you talk to a kid .... "petit popo"
I'm still laughing, by the way :)
Thanks for the daily laugh and smile, I really need it!
- naomi

Snivellus said...

About licking off frosting from awkward doll parts... For my high school graduation last year, I got a Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockey cake (woot!) and of course the babies' lower halves are covered in frosting from their carrot mounts... Needless to say, there are now awkward photos of me with a plastic baby sticking out of my mouth. ;)

WV: Queexy. These cakes make my tummy feel queexy!

Mevo said...

"One, two...Dolly's coming for you.
Three, four...Better lock your door.
Five, six...These are scary cake pics.
Seven, eight...Better get a plate.
Nine, ten...Never eat again."

elissa said...

I don't know why, but these make me gag and feel physically sick.

yomama said...

That pacifier one -- Shush, Don't mention the baby's size, it's a preemie. Or has Napoleonic intentions...
And, my favorite, the watermelon. It's a before and after! See? Before I had this child I was THIS BIG?!! Get it?

Tammy said...

What is the second baby laying it's head on? Is that paper towels? I diaper? I'm so confused....and scared. And Scarred...for life. Excuse me while I go dispose of all the baby dolls in the house.

sendingtheclowns said...

How many "Variations On A Theme By CREEPY" can there BE??
This post should be required reading for all those who'd like to both throw a shower AND keep their friends.
Or at least to warn the soon-to-be ex-friends about the risk of serving NIGHTMARES, and TREMORS and HIVES, OH MY!
=^-.-^=

Anonymous said...

The moment I saw the first cake, I thought of "Bram Stoker's Dracula", replete with the creepy burial clothes Lucy was wearing.
--cpeter133

Sally-Anne said...

For anyone who isn't familiar with the JoCo song previously mentioned:

tinyurl.com/3y5cmj

It's a free download (by the smiley face). And yes, that song's been in my head all day now.

Nora said...

Is the third cake a bed or a coffin? Just wondering...

sarah said...

the blue blanket on the one is really cute! but the rest of it is quite scary!!
Surfinsarah

Sister Kate said...

I like not to scale baby best for the strange creature-like blanket icing which seems to be consuming the lower half of poor little dolly's body (like the scarabs in The Mummy, or the ants in the 4th Indiana Jones, or the Blob in The Blob).

TheHappyHomemaker said...

The cakes are creepy...but who takes a watermelon to a baby shower? Is it jealousy trying to compete with the mother-to-be? Does this person have a sly, evil grin as she slices into that watermelon?

~shiver~

Leah said...

Is that a kleenex under the baby's head in the 2nd one?

Oh.My.Creepy!

sendingtheclowns said...

The original 1960 "Village" is one of my favorite movies~~ I was 10 -year-old innocent when it came out, and there were no arrogant, "I know what's best for you" Ratings Systems to stand in the way of MY RIGHT to *sleep* with the lights on for many months after seeing it.
If I slept at all...
Scary movie!

It would be cool if they made CAKES that were as scary as---

never mind.

Tyler said...

This post reminds me of Swift's Modest Proposal, but I don't think these are what he had in mind.

Rad Runner said...

They give me that totally uncomfortable uneasy, look behind my freakin shoulder feeling! Thanks for that!

Amy Rainey said...

I agree. That first one totally looks like the inside of a casket. This reminds me of a movie I saw when I was a teenager (that I shouldn't have seen)...The Puppetmaster...anyone? Lots of murdering dolls in that one.

EHisCDN said...

That may actually be one of the creepiest things I have ever seen. The first one is reaching out to get you, and I had visions of that psycho Chuckie doll (is that his name?)

Me! said...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Run! Run!

These doll cakes remind me of the Twilight Zone episode with Talking Tina.
"My name is Talking Tina...and I'm going to KILL you..."

RUN for your life!


*OMG* TIGERWOLF, "Its Epcot"-- CLASSIC! LOL!! ^..^

lisadh said...

The blanket on Baby #2 is making my mouth water. Oh, the frosting...

Kay said...

I have never been afraid of dolls. Until today. Thanks!

WV - exion: When I saw that last baby, I looked for the closest exion.

nursemom said...

Dolls and clowns...I'm tellin' ya...

The Gravekeeper said...

Thanks for reminding me of another reason I played with boy toys when I was just a girl. Girl toys were creepy and boy toys were just awesome. Seriously. Robots that turn into stuff will always win out over Stepford-esque dolls with seriously bizarre proportions for me.

whizkidforte said...

Awww man - those are so creepy! Waht's next - cakes modeled after Victorian post-mortem photos? (I have an affinity for them, but I don't want a cake form of them!)

BuckeyeNP said...

Cake #3 - crib or casket? That is weird.

the mouse said...

I hate babydolls.

Kerri said...

So much pretty frosting!

That first one is what I think Taylor Momsen's baby might look like, with the black eyeliner and vacant eyes. That ups the ick factor about a ga-jillion because isn't Taylor 17 going on 47? She's too young to have a baby. Maybe this was her last birthday cake.

roballen said...

The second one is actually quite lovely, especially if that baby is cake/fondant as it appears to be. However, I don't think I could bring myself to eat a baby, even one made of cake. Never been confronted with one, though. It IS cake...I might be more cannibalistic than I previously thought. ;-)

Connie Moreno said...

ROTFLMAO!!!

Red Wolf said...

When are people going to learn that laying a baby doll on a rectangular-ish cake makes it look like it's in a coffin?

Anonymous said...

OMG - is that a baby in a casket in the second photo?

Anonymous said...

yikes!

That second one. Oh dear. Yes, the basketweave blanket is beautifully drapey. ahem. But what in the world is it draping? This child appears to have little turtle flippers for legs and a rather large, uh, member.

Or maybe he's a merman, and that's the tail. Or a merbaby.

Hilarious, as always. LOVE love love this blog. Lily

rascalmom said...

@ Thesacredandtheprofane
That idea is just KILLING me with laughter. I must have a cooing baby cake for my next birthday! Hahahahaha!
My niece got a doll like that, where it was sometimes "asleep" and sometimes would coo and move, and every single time she wasn't around, all the adults were like, turn it off, turn it off! AH!!!!
Never thought of serving it in a cake...wonderful. Of course you'd want an enormous knife to serve with. Or perhaps an axe, a la Rose, of course:)

Anonymous said...

It is not wrong to suck frosting off your baby's fingers and toes, especially not on her first birthday because she shouldn't have too much sugar anyway. The legs and arms are also okay if baby has not been outdoors yet that day.

Anonymous said...

My girls have the doll/toy set in the last pic... though it has never crossed our minds to use it for this purpose. However, I notice the toy 'potty' wasn't included in the decorations here, so maybe they do have a bit of forethought when decorating?!

Anonymous said...

Okay those last two look like open casket. eeww!

Joy said...

I want to see some scary Barbie cakes with the hoop skirt things!

sendingtheclowns said...

@Ashley, whose baby shower is/was today:
I hope you have/had FUN!
And IF you are/were Oh-so-LUCKY as to have/have had a messterpiece such as one of these, I do SO HOPE that you will consider getting/did get pictures from all possible angles, so you could trot these pictures out for all of us (and the whole world) to see...!!!
Meaning, of course, send them to Cake Wrecks!
Just think: one day, you could proudly show your child that his or her shower cake was FAMOUS (in a BAD way, but I'd take it I if were you).

Not just any old anybody can say that.


=^-.-^=

Anonymous said...

How do they get those babies to lie so still?

(just kidding)

WV: ovent -- Doesn't the baby doll melt when you bake it in the ovent?

Anonymous said...

If I still had my Baby Alive doll (circa 1974), and I fed it a piece of baby doll cake, would that be cannibalism?
-joules
WV: augogitt
Ma: Whur's the baby?
Pa: In its crib. Augogitt.

Anonymous said...

Are those WHOLE plastic baby dolls, or just the head, arms and upper torso?

Anonymous said...

We can be thankful no one thought to stick a piece of a twizzler in the baby's belly button area to simulate the umbilical cord stump.
Urp! Sorry - I just grossed myself out!

Anonymous said...

*rocks back and forth, huddled in corner"* Those.....Eyes.......Those Horrible. Blue. Eyes.


I think by now, we should all start a fundraiser for therapy fees O.o

LisaGail said...

Baby #3 looks like a mummy!

Becca said...

This brings a whole new meaning to Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"... O_O
-Becca

Amy M. Bennett said...

I'm looking at #3 and thinking, "I didn't know they still made Tuk-n-Ruffle... I guess they found SOMEone who uses it!"

And I'm wondering if that whole cake isn't just styrofoam... I mean, the rounded corners, the sugar decorations... and the Tuk-n-Ruffle. It looks like a display cake!

Anonymous said...

This is why I make a loaf of Challah Bread for friends that have a new arrival rather then a cake.

That reminds me, I need to make a loaf for a family down the street as their baby arrived yesterday. Let me add nothing smells better then fresh baked bread!

Fanboy Wife said...

Why do these cake-makers think that people want to eat babies? Are we having a Jonathan Swift party?

Kelly said...

That first one is CREEPY! Perhaps it is a spawn of Chucky.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or the "baby" cakes remind you of coffins with a baby in it? Creeps me out!

BADKarma! said...

I happened to catch a certain scene in the recent remake of "Dawn of the Dead" the other night whilst channel-surfing... The first cake reminds me of that scene... Eesh.

msyendor said...

Just listened to J.Coulton's Creepy Doll.

AAAAAAAGH.

Thanks alot!

Now goto Youtube and lookup Destination's Truth/Isle of the Dolls

wv: gulooton -- a quirk involved in the binding of neuroses and plastics in cakes

Brenda said...

The blanket on the first one is very pretty. It looks like a real knit blanket and the pink and white flowery things are cute too. Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore? Well in that case, that doll's eyes are freaking me out, man!

Anonymous said...

The first one is the creepiest. What a waste of buttercream.

Now, a cake decorated as a frilly pillowy bassinet _without_ the hell-doll? That would be cute.

Bree said...

Babies of the Damned.

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

That third one: there's a manger somewhere missing its Baby Jesus.

Wolvie Girl said...

I looked at the first one and all I thought was "bwains, bwaaaaaaaaains."

And Tigerwolf, you just made my day.

Angela said...

Disturbing in ways I dare not even think about....
Angela

sendingtheclowns said...

Brenda said...
"...Oh, are we not doing the Pollyanna thing anymore?"
*********************
Cuuuute...
I guess I must have pumped my brain out a little TOO thoroughly, as I wasn't aware that we'd EVER done "the Pollyanna thing."
I mean, wouldn't that involve having to (TRY to) find something GOOD about these wrecks???
Case closed!
=^u.u^=

Kelli said...

My baby shower is tomorrow and my mom said she went overboard and "spent a small fortune" on a cake, rather than the cake we originally discussed. I was excited, but after this post, I'm suspicious and scared.

Anonymous said...

That first one is terrifying! Baby in a coffin! Baby in a coffin!

Summer Knightly said...

Okay, I've been enjoying this blog for quite some time, but never felt the need the comment until now...

*stares at first cake in horror*

...Jen, you're paying for my therapy bills.

Seriously, that first one could give the Sixth Sense a run for its money. I mean, really, what was the cake decorator thinking...

"Aw, look how cute it looks with it's unblinking, big blue eyes..." "..What? No, it doesn't look creepy at all..."

Ye-ah. But the baby dolls afterwords are little less creepy. Disturbing, yes. Repeat after me: "I will not decorate with plastic babies. Or cover them with frosting..."

Summer

Blog Fan said...

That first one is creepy!!!!

Arlene said...

That first one looks like it is possessed. I wouldn't want to even touch it let alone eat it lol. And do not look into the eyes it may make you want to kill the person that made these cakes.. scary.

Catherine said...

@ Waterbaby Christine--

I also immediately thought "That's Baby Jesus!" about the third cake--I think it's the pose of the arms and legs. But because of the oversized "bed" and the weird strip-y "blanket" and the pillow...well, my next thought was "crucified, dead, and buried." AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!

Scarlett Robyn said...

What is WITH that watermelon on that last one? Did the baker just have an empty space on the cake and thought "Oh, I'll just fill it with a TOTALLY unrelated object and leave it at that."?!?!
Funny as always, thanx!
Scarlett Robyn

sendingtheclowns said...

@Anonymous 12:02,

What was the question again?
Why aren't the French making wrecks?
I don't know how one would tell what a French wreck would look like as opposed to another country's wreck. Maybe there ARE some around~~only they're masquerading as other countries' cakes.
Then again, it could be that the French simply and perfectly have too much COUTH to "DO" wreckage (which, BTW, is pronounced, "reck-AWZZH" en Francais).
But Sacre Bleu! AFRAID of frosting?


Maybe.

=^a.a^=

Christina M. said...

I think my ovaries just tied themselves into knots...

*shudder*

Moon Bloom said...

Gosh! That first one is the worst!
:o

jo said...

the first one could be cast in "The Exorcist." while the last one looks like a victim for sacrifice to the pinata gods....

goblue562 said...

Nobody noticed who posted this? Who's "Number 1"?

:)

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

goblue562,

Number 1 is our awesome friend Jennifer D and she writes with us on occasion. If you look through the archives, you'll see posts done by Number 1, Wrecksistant, Jen and me, john (the hubby of Jen). Really though, every post not written specifically by Jen is a collaboration between the writer and Jen. To give you an idea, I wrote the Mickey post a few days back but Jen came up with some of the funnier lines. If I can brag a bit on my wife though, I will say that it is a bit of an ego boost when everybody assumes a post is Jen's even though you wrote most of it because we all aspire to be as good.

There it is.

Wreck On!

john

Anonymous said...

The last one looks like the baby is to be ritually sacrificed on an Aztec altar. ;-)
Hartmut

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one reminded of Victorian childrens' grave markers? You know the kind - children lying down, sometimes with lambs; most of them are missing their heads.

MeMaw said...

Pat, I'd like to solve the puzzle....
ROSEMARY'S BABY SHOWER CAKE!

WV: desess. "Desess the scariest cakes I've seen since that 5th birthday cake with the grim reaper on it."

Caty said...

Oh, Taylor, I'm totally with you on the little kids singing slow songs in a minor key, like "Ring Around the Rosey." Seriously freaky, like slowly moving playground equipment with no children (that you can see...wooohooo)on them. Can you imagine seeing the first cake in a dimly lit room, just reflected in a mirror or a dark window?

sendingtheclowns said...

Okay, then!
Anyone ready to help me out YET?
The song? MY song?
"Settle for Edible"?
Anyone? No one?
Well, then...I'll start without you!

*clears throat*

I came here so hungry, and craving a sweet...
I wanted no veggies. I wanted no meat.
So what was it truly- and where should I start?
A cookie or brownie, or maybe a tart?
I passed by a window, and what did I see?
A chocolatey pastry just leering at me!
With eyes and a nose and big gooey grin,
A "what the-?" confection as ugly as sin!

(CHORUS):

Might ...have.... tooooo...

SETTLE for EDIBLE!
SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!
'Cause it looks like hell
But it could taste swell
And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

I asked for a slice and they flashed me a smirk-
"A victim!" they said, as they went straight to work...
They hacked off a hunk and then plated it neat,
Winked at each other with a "Bon appetit!"
I closed my eyes tightly, and then said a prayer...
How bad can it be? Lord, it's only one layer!
It wasn't the best, BUT it wasn't the worst,
And now I can see that I'm doomed to be cursed...

tooooooo..........

SETTLE for EDIBLE!
SETTLE FOR EDIBLE!
'Cause it looks like hell
But it could taste swell
And ya can't have it all, SO THERE!

Lyn said...

LOL!! Those are great!

holly said...

The basketweave on that blanket is awesome. It even has folds and drapes, I'm impressed. I think that the paper under the head is the kind you use to get a single donut out of the case? Because they've already cut quite a bit out of that end of the cake (not just one corner piece), maybe they're just keeping the baby's head off the crumbs, I dunno.

The last one looks like it's about to break out into a Mexican hat dance.

Anonymous said...

@sendingtheclowns: Brenda was referring to "Five Awesome Things" posted April 15, 2010. Check it out.

Franchesca said...

Some of those look like they know they are zombie babies.... Laying there all peaceful, on their graves...tombstones and all!

Anonymous said...

These creepy baby doll cakes would be great for a Halloween party, right next to bloodshot eyeball cupcakes. Delicious yet disturbing.

sendingtheclowns said...

@Anonymous 11:27--

You scared me! I scampered back over there to last Thursday, then stopped dead in my tracks, thinking, "Hold ON a minute! I'm supposed to stagger through 2,230 responses to find the reference??"
THEN I realized that it was right at the beginning. (D'OH!)
I had even READ it already.
It's just that I had filed it away in the amazing black hole that is my brain lately.
So~~
"OH! NOW I (re-)get it!" Thanks!!!!

Oh, and mystery solved, so "THAT'S AWESOME" !

=^~.-^=

Anonymous said...

if you want to see creepy baby dolls... http://community.livejournal.com/awesome_places/99697.html

Rena said...

Okay, now I'm going to have Jonathon Coulton's "Creepy Doll" in my head *forever.*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgfklKnOg4w

Peggy said...

That 3rd one looks like the baby is bound.

Laura M said...

How could you even eat it???? It LOOKS like it would TASTE evil!

Laura.

creativegirl said...

omg! creepy is right! I'm enjoying being a new subscriber to your blog :) Lots of fun! Thanx!

Holly said...

buahahahhaha! "I will just collect my watermelon and go" made me laugh so hard I may have had an accident! LOL! That is totally my favorite caption so far! I am a huge fan! Cake Wrecks is the perfect way to unwind after a long day of teaching 6th graders! Thanks for the laughs!

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I hate baby dolls and clowns. My grandma once got me a clown doll and I was like, 'Why not just cut out the middle man and kill me in your sleep yourself?'

Cupcakes Lady said...

Baby cakes now freak me out. Not cool at all. xx

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised the bakers decided to choose the creepiest dolls they could find. I collect dolls (not to play with!), and none of mine are this creepy. Neither are my porcelian ones.