Monday, November 30, 2009

A Whiter Shade of Pale

Monday, November 30, 2009

This past week I neglected to post any cakes highlighting the Native Americans' vital role in the founding of Thanksgiving. This is a grievous oversight, and one which I will attempt to remedy now.


"Look, I appreciate that he's lily-white and blue-eyed, but do you think you could do something about the brown hair? It seems so...I don't know...ethnic."

"Well, I *could* make his hair lighter, but there's a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"That's our Jesus design."

Hey, Shahala H. & Michele P., don't be afraid to let them show; your true colors are beautiful. (Like a rainbow.)

- Related Wreckage: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Note: Just to be clear: I am NOT making fun of Jesus. I am making fun of the fact that He is so often portrayed here in the U.S. as a blue-eyed Caucasian. That is all. Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sunday Sweets: Fall Edition

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Before we head into December, the height of hectic holiday hoopla, let's take a moment to consider some of the prettiest Fall-themed cakes this side of candy cane lane.

First, a so-simple-it's-sweet gem:

(Made by Mike's Amazing Cakes. Of course.)

I think I kind of love those little egg birds.

Here's a neat idea; it reminds me of Mission-style stained glass:

Next is a more traditional, fondant-free style:

And now a similar design, done with fondant:

(Made by Melissa at Wild Cakes.)

You all know I'm a sucker for the cute, too, so here's a little "aww" factor:

(Made by Doodle Cakes.)

After our marathon of Wrecky turkey cakes, some of you asked if there were *any* good turkey cakes out there. So, we started looking. And the answer, pretty much, is no.

See, no matter how you slice it [smirk], turkeys are NOT attractive animals. So your best option is to make it cartoony and cute, like this one.

In fact, the best turkey cake I've seen this year was made by CW reader Belle, who isn't even a professional. She admits that the cookie "feathers" weren't quite what she wanted, but overall this guy is pretty darn adorable:

See? Great job, Belle!

I just received another comically cute turkey cake from baker Ayse Yaman. Check it out:

I love the slightly demented look on his face. Makes you wonder what he's eating, huh? :) Thanks, Ayse - great job!

- Similar Sweets: Cutie-Patootey Dragon Babes

Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Fine Feathered Salute

Saturday, November 28, 2009

NOTE: Today's post contains material (namely icing) in unintentionally unseemly shapes. There are also some poop jokes. If you are offended by unintentionally unseemly icing shapes or poop jokes, you will not like today's post. In other words: Hide the children!!

That said, everything here is safe for work (as always) and will most likely sail cleanly over the heads of the very young. Still, parents should note that CW has always been, and always will be, a PG-rated site.

Now, on to the unintentionally unseemly icing shapes!

Last week we established pretty much every possible way turkey cakes can be wrecked...except one.

You see, turkey cakes have two inherent flaws. First, they're made out of chocolate icing...

which looks like poo.

This you know.

However, the other problem - which I have avoided mentioning until now - is that they also tend to have long skinny bodies and blobular heads, which can look, well...

a little stiff.

Combine these two unfortunate predilections, and you get:

The turkey poo-wang.
(Nice "legs.")

Here's another:

This guy looks pretty shocked. Think that's because his beak fell off, or because he's so surprisingly out of proportion?*


Me: I'm not sure about "surprisingly out of proportion."

John: Why, what's wrong with it?

Me: Well, it's quite a mouthful.

John: [screeching laughter]

Me: [innocently] What?

Turkey: the other dark meat.

Katey S., Owen H., Paula W., Laura I., & Lola P.,
these Wrecks give new meaning to "giving you the bird," don't they?

- Related Wreckage: Butterfly Misses

Friday, November 27, 2009

This Is What Happy Tastes Like

Friday, November 27, 2009

Thank goodness we have the box to tell us so, Erin G.

- Related Wreckage: Wrecktopia of Cornucopias

Thursday, November 26, 2009

In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

Thursday, November 26, 2009

My dear Wreckies, there are so many ways I could wish you a happy Thanksgiving today.

I could forget how it's spelled:

Tranksgiven? Hanksgiven?
Well, thank goodness for the poo tornado; how else would we know what the occasion is?

Sprinkles: they fix everything.

If you work in communications, I could get you a poo turkey and misspell your department name:

Isn't it ironic?

I could put a military spin on things:

I won't lie to you: I'm quite disappointed with the distinctly un-tank-like strawberries here.

I could try to avoid the spelling hazards in "thanksgiving" by skipping the word all together:

Although I suspect this isn't so much a lack of spelling ability as a general stinginess with letters; notice we only get a single "greeting."

I could remind you of the dangers of overeating:

"No, turkey, don't do it! You're beautiful just the way you are!"

Oh! Or here's an idea: I could avoid actual decorating all together, and use a mound of Dollar Store flotsam chucked in your cake's general direction to convey the appropriate sentiment:

The sentiment being "May you choke on a tiny plastic pilgrim," of course.

Or, I could simply assault you with a visage of such horror that nightmares of it may well plague you for the rest of your natural-born life:

[nodding] Yeah, I think I'll go with that. Seems the most memorable.

Theresa, Michelle H., Becky O., Denise M., Mike A., Chris O., & Vicky J., fingers crossed that you each get a "happy tank" today.

- Related Wreckage: Teasers for the Coming Seasons

Note- For those of you pointing it out, yes we do know that Autumn is misspelled. That's kind of the point.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Really? I Mean, Really?!? (Yes, MORE Turkey Wrecks)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Apparently my top "20" ways to wreck a turkey cake just weren't enough for you guys. I know this because some of you are:

a) complaining that the past two days' Wrecks don't technically add up to 20, and

fork) still sending in a truly dizzying array of Wreckage that simply must be shared.

These include gems like...

the Clown Turkey.
[insert joke about a funny taste here]

The Electrocuted Turkey:


The Albino Technicolor Dream Coat Turkey:

At least it's pretty. Which is more than I can say for...

The Vortex of Insanity!!! Turkey:

Someone, somewhere, actually thought this was a good idea. Let's take a moment to really let the impact of that sink in, shall we?

Some of you requested more non-cupcake-cake Turkey Wrecks, though. Nooo problem.

[rapid blinking]

Uh...How do you feel about cupcake Turkey Wrecks?

Turkey snails!
(Just one question: how do you pick them up?)

Rasta Turkey Snails!
(With...chicken heads? Ok. Sure. Why not?)

Ok, Ok, now for some "real" cakes:

Well, the *turkey* looks pretty good, but that green pterodactyls attacking him could use a little work.

And lastly, here's a foul fowl that could give the Coiled Crap Hound a run for its money:

Sweet Steaming Swirls of Stacked!! Yeah.
That sorry sucker sure seems surprised.

Jen D., Jaime H., Jen L., Amanda S., Gloria C., Jen P., Bonnie L., & Elaine M., don't look at me like that; I'm sure there's chocolate sherbert*

- Related Wreckage: And Now, a Word from Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes

* Also spelled "sherbet", "shebert" and "shrbrt".

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Talkin' Turkey Tuesday, Too

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

We're continuing to count down (up?) the top 20 ways to wreck a turkey cake. Hold on to your giblets, folks, 'cuz this is gettin' gooood.

11. By confusing turkeys with bank-robbing peacocks:

(But isn't his little kerchief mask adorable?)

H. By plumbing the depths of the phrase "intestinal fortitude":

Spoon. By anthropomorphizing a mushroom cloud:

Yes, seriously.
(I know, right?!? That's what *I* said!

XVI: By confusing "turkey" with "demon snuffleupagus...from Rio":

17. Or by confusing it with the Magnificent Bagel-Nosed Falcon of Uganda:

(The resemblance is uncanny.)

R. By sketching out your next art car for "Burning Man":

And lastly...

20. By putting an Indian headdress on Cthulhu:

Nicole D., Marcy P., Sarah T., Diane M., Lindsay H., Michelle G., & Kristen R., I'm starting to forget what a turkey even looks like. I guess that means I'm ready to start decorating!

- Related Wreckage: Turkeys

NOTE: Hey, Floridians! John and I will be at the Orlando Public Library Saturday, Dec. 12th, at 2PM. Here's your chance to stock up on signed copies of Cake Wrecks, aka "the perfect stocking stuffer." ;) Go here for details, and to RSVP.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Time to Talk Turkey

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's the time of year again, folks: The time when we gather with loved ones, eat some great food, and, of course, count down The Top 20 Ways to Wreck a Turkey Cake.

Let's get to it!

1. By confusing turkeys with swans:

B. By confusing turkeys with turtles... authentic Argentinian garb.

C. By running out of orange icing:

5. By doing this:

G. By angering the Tiki gods:

F. By using a big piece of plastic:

"So you're telling me all I have to do is arrange these cupcakes so the plastic thing covers them? And there's no way I can screw it up? Hmm. That sounds like a challenge."

VII: By using Alien Autopsy for inspiration:

At least he looks happy. Must be that shag rug they laid him on.

10. By letting a former taxidermist "decorate":

Tune in tomorrow for the next top "10"!

Thanks to Mariah Z., Brody, Amber B., Howard G., Mike T., Judy G., Aaron L., and Anne V. You guys are number G!

- Related Wreckage: And Now, A Word From Your Thanksgiving Turkey Cakes

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sunday Sweets: When Geeks Marry

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm pretty sure I will never get tired of geeky wedding cakes. Especially when they come in so many great "flavors":

Coding Geek:

(Submitted by Emily G. Baker unknown, but lots more wedding code suggestions on the original post here.)

Mac/PC Geek:
(Sub'd by Kelly J., baker unknown, originally posted here.)

Gamer Geek:
(This is CW reader Christine W.'s wedding cake, by Renaissance Productions.
If you're wondering, it's a Tonberry. And if you're not wondering, well, it's still a Tonberry.)

(This gorgeous Companion Cube cake was sub'd by Emily H. & originally posted on Offbeat Bride)

Old School Geek:

(Sub'd by Karen M., made by Sheri's Edible Designs)

For you wee babes among us, that's Pee Wee's Playhouse. And yes, it's a wedding cake. I do hope they served it with ice cream soup.

Nominate your own Sunday Sweet by sending it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

- Similar Sweets: Stargate Cakes