Wednesday, December 30, 2009

American Super (Sized) Heroes

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Americans, by and large, are fat. I'm an American, and I'm fat. Together with 64% of my fellow citizens, we're taking over the country, one chocolate-covered bacon maple donut bar at a time. Rather than get all down and out about it, though, I like the bakeries' approach: simply upsize all of our childhood icons to fit the times!

Whoah. Uh, Spidey, listen: I'm all for embracing your body image, but at some point spandex stops being your friend.


"Something seemed fishy about Nemo's new 'power diet.' And where was Bloat the puffer fish, anyway?"

I suppose Cookie Monster has the best excuse for being a bit blobbish:

Still, I'm guessing this was taken during his "Robert Downey Jr of Cookies" years.


Hey, Mickey!
[singing] "Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You're blocking up your heart
when you eat up all that ham!"


And lastly, here's one for us plus-sized princesses:

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."


Remember, Melissa W., Jen S., Dawn G., Amanda L., & Cindy S., there's an upside to everything: fat people are much harder to kidnap.

- Related Wreckage: Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?
Anne said...

I loved Cookie Monster on The Colbert Report; I could watch that clip again and again. This cake... not so much.

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

If the Cookie Monster CCC (patooie!) was a real cake and not as messy-looking, it would be pretty cool. That's a pretty clever idea.

LuciaB said...

Fat people are harder to kidnap!! Yes! I say this all the time. You never hear "The victim was grabbed off the street, please be on the lookout she is 5'2" and 230lbs."

Anonymous said...

Bwahahaha! Fat people are much harder to kidnap! There's a reason for everything, I know that now. :D



wv: Assessess: excess in assessment in motion (See public schools).

Jodi said...

Well, I for one think the Princess looks like she has the mumps!!!!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Wow - poor Nemo looks like he was run over by a Mack truck.

Ophelia said...

Oops, before reading the caption I thought Nemo was Garfield, run over by a car.

Fluffy Cow said...

"Peter, wisely, said nothing"
Best line ever!!!

Anonymous said...

If this is a new line in Disney, you may be on to something, here in America.

Terry Lee said...

favorite line: "peter, wisely said nothing."

it takes some men longer than others to wise up. i've found a good crack over the head with a rolling pin or iron skillet usually does the trick. heh heh

btw, robert downey jr. is lookin' mighty fine in sherlock holmes. me love some of that! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Spiderman modelled after this halloweening fella:

http://randomfunnypicture.com/tag/spiderman/

Pretty dead-on when you look at it that way, eh?

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot...NOW I've got that stupid Mickey song rolling around in my head teh rest of the day...
"..Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind-HEY MICKEY!..."

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does cookie monster look like he might be losing previoulsy chewed cookies? Ate a few too fast maybe?

Jiminycricket said...

I just realized how much less appealing Spiderman is when he's...er, not looking so svelte. Like how it would be if Chris Farley had been cast in the role.

"Fat guy in a little...spandex costume!"

Cindy S. said...

Yay!! My first ever wreck submission has made the cut :) Thanks for the laughs!!!

Anonymous said...

The blobbiness of Cookie Monster aside, I am not digging the idea of a cake with half-chewed cookies in its mouth. Or maybe this is a cake with motion features, and we're seeing just a split-second image? In that case, cool! Carry on, then.

redtailboalover2002 said...

I think this is fast becoming my favorite thread! Just TRY and kidnap MY big butt. Muahahaha!

Anonymous said...

That's Tinkerbell? I thought it was Barbara Eden from I DREAM OF JEANNIE.

Jimmy said...

As an American, part of me is horrified to think that one day Disney really will upsize characters to fit the look of its U.S. audience. The other part of me is saying, "Ohh, yummy bacon maple donut!"


wv: Dizinec-- "Disney" pronounced with a mouthful of bacon maple donut. Huh.

Little Lovables said...

"peter, wisely, said nothing"- brilliant

wv: decterw: the spidey sense of detecting a wrekie once one walks into the grocery store

Nads' Bakery said...

I kind of like the Cookie Monster! I can see where the creativity stemmed from... I say best of the worst!

Lynette said...

Jen, that was just cruel. Now "Hey Mickey" is going to be stuck in my head all day. What heartless thing to do to your devoted fans! :p

(Not that it's going to stop me from coming back tomorrow, but id that song is still running through my head then, I might make another complaint comment! :) )

Dippy's Mom said...

Oh Mickey reference! Brilliant! LMFAO! Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

I'm somewhat grateful that they used the far superior Cookie Monster as opposed to his veggie cop-out, but maybe I'm being too optimistic by trying to convince myself that every wreck has its silver lin- er, icing.

Trista said...

Ok Jen -
We met you at the book signing in Seattle.
YOU ARE NOT FAT.
Really you aren't. You may be larger than an anorexic Barbie Doll but compared to the vast majority of people out there you aren't fat.

Tink on the other hand should look into weight watchers. Or maybe we could do Fictional Character Biggest Loser...it would be a ratings smash

Sam Gamgee said...

Really, the Spiderman cake would be pretty awesome if the head didn't qualify for its own zip code!

Anonymous said...

"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."

LMAO

and what an evil link you posted to the "fat" page. what weird food!

Sara said...

I'm with Trista- I saw you at the NY book signing and you are NOT fat! Have better self esteem- you should be so proud of yourself for all that you've done with this site :)

Love the rest of this post though!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Bwahahahaa...

I've always said that I'm not fat, I'm "famine-resistant" but now I know I'm "kidnap-resistant" too. Booyeah! LuciaB FTW +100.

Also, how sad is it that chipmunk-cheeked Tinkerbell there is actually one of the best CCCs I've seen?

Coffee Lovers said...

I don't understand why people keep trying to make "face or body" shapes with cupcakes.... In Mexico "cup cakes" are very popular but they are usually a square of cupcakes with frosting on top and then designs in the frosting... It looks so much better... (Not my favorite still, but better) I will send you some pics of what I am talking about!

I felt sorry for Nemo and Mickey!

Ryan, Corrie, and Max said...

I 2nd Trista's idea of a fictional characters "Biggest Losers!" That mouse from Cinderella could be on it, the dwarfs (I thought it was dwarves...hmmm) from Snow White; Shrek...

Anonymous said...

Ophelia, I had the same thought--"what happened to Garfield?" then read that it was supposed to be Nemo. Yikes.

For those of you who want to get the "Mickey" song out of your head, you can try the equally catchy parody "Ricky" by Weird Al Yankovic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9KRr_54Wg0

Uh, you may not thank me . . . but I prefer it to the original.

Anonymous said...

From what I've heard Cookie Monster has been renamed "Veggie Monster" on the show...this cake is probably why.

lisadh said...

Two great lines, Jen!

"Fat people are harder to kidnap" and "Peter, wisely, said nothing"

Love it!!

Sarah said...

Aside from making tink look a little poofy, I have to admit that I think the Wreckerator did an overall good job decorating Tink!

Jennifer said...

My 2yo is an avid Mickey Mouse fan. He can spot him or his memorable shape a mile away. That is how I know just wreck-y that cake is:
Me: Hey, who's this?
2yo: Uhh, bear?

Angie said...

I'm new here, so forgive me if you guys have already seen this.. But this game has that last cake written all over it

Fat Princess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73L4T7QVprI

Katie said...

You are not fat.

Etiquette Bitch said...

the last CW looks like an awful rendition of Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie." Ugh!

Happy New Year, Jen + John! Thanks for my daily giggle.

BowserRanch said...

You are NOT fat!

Rebecca Knight said...

From now on, I'm going to be singing your version of the Hey, Mickey song ;).

Trista--I would TOTALLY watch a fictional character biggest loser! I hear Gaston has really let himself go since Belle dumped him.

Erin said...

Thanks for ruining yet another formerly amusing blog by jumping on the fat hate bandwagon.

Would it still be funny if you were poking fun at black people?

Not that I expect this to be posted... jokes about how disgusting people are are fine, comments about being hurt by that just can't possibly be allowed.

WomanUncensored said...

My friend was just saying last night that Tinker Bell is oddly proportioned, but this brings it to a whole new level!

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I wonder what would happen to Winnie the Pooh under these cake-making guidelines?

Anonymous said...

Wow. A real daring post. I guess that everyone will forget to be insulted at this very true statistic (or make insults) just becuase the post is so funny; *serious* Laugh Out Loud material. :) Thanks!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Erin,

Why are black people the go-to example when it comes to being offended? People keep citing examples of blacks and Ebonics. *sigh*

And who said fat people are "disgusting?" Jen and I are both a bit chubby and I think she's a sexy beast.

I think your reading something into this post that's not really there.

john

ps. You put your name and don't swear, it get's published.

Erin said...

Fine, would it still be funny if you were making fun of people for (insert whatever trait you like)?

And you don't need to explicitly say something for the attitude to come through loud and strong... fat people are to be ridiculed, because hey it's all our fault anyway.

I just don't get why it is ok to make fun of me (well, a group I am a part of) for my physical appearance, but it's mean and wrong to make fun of someone else for their appearance.

As to why I am "oversensitive" -- go read the internet. You can't go a single day without being slapped in the face with the idea that being fat is at best a cause for ridicule, and at worst a moral failing deserving of being cast into eternal damnation for.

Cara said...

I now have the Mickey song in my head. Only your version makes it worse. I now will never again be able to eat ham. XD

That link actually makes me feel better about my own diet choices. But then, my cousins eat stuff like that all the time and they're all naturally skinny. I took after the wrong side of the family.

L'Hélène said...

The cookie monster CCC is awesome!!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Erin,

Perhaps it would be good for you to go back and read the post from beginning to end.

I think you missed the part where Jen included herself in the "fat" majority - and also the fact that she said nothing derogatory whatsoever about that majority. Don't let your past experiences color what you're reading, because frankly, you're seeing an attitude or prejudice that simply isn't there.

I'm sorry you didn't like the post.

john

Kimberly Chapman said...

Erin, I'm no fan of making fun of appearances either, but the essence of this blog is making fun of things that look bad.

Plus, it's about CAKE. Have you ever been to a cake show or cake club meeting? They are not skinny-people conventions.

And Jen said right up front that she is overweight herself.

So if you want to bring race into it, it's really like black people using the n-word within their own community. They're allowed to do that because it's theirs by reclamation.

Nothing Jen said was hateful. I'm fat, I'm sensitive to mockery, and I didn't feel mocked. Obviously a lot of other overweight people found humour in this, and for all you know that was part of their coping/healing. For all you know, they consider this a safe place to talk about food without worry about diet talk. For all you know, the entire post may have made someone's day by inclusively making light of something society always makes so dark.

Shanti said...

I can't believe I'm saying this about a CCC (patooie!), but I actually kind of like the Cookie Monster cake. It could be a bit better executed, but they got the googly eyes and the gaping mouthful of cookie pieces pretty well.

(When I was little, it used to bother me that Cookie Monster never got to eat any of his cookies - he just broke them up and flung them around. The fact that he was a muppet and therefore couldn't actually eat them didn't occur to me for far too long).

Squished Nemo, on the other hand, is dreadful.

Emma C. said...

I wonder if the octopus behind Nemo had something to do with the gaping hole in his chin...

Noni Mausa said...

That's not Nemo! That's Nemo's love-child by Gloria the Gulf Flounder, photo here: http://www.landbigfish.com/images/fish/LBF_Gulf_Flounder.jpg

It's the eyes both on the same side of the head (ulp) that's the dead giveaway.

You're welcome.

Jennifer said...

I'm totally gonna start a band called "The Lumpy Princess". Or "Lumpy Princesses." Or maybe I'll write a children's book.

It took me a long time to acknowledge that being fat didn't mean I wasn't pretty. I'm fat, and pretty, and princess-y, and lumpy. Happy new year y'all.

msyendor said...

Saw nothing offensive in the blog post. However, the only offense I took was in the comments section by 'Diana' who equates FAT with LAZY. Why don't you define 'lazy'? Do you mean physically lazy, morally lazy, spiritually lazy, emotionally lazy, mentally lazy?

Or do you lazily lump it in a fat judgmental roll?

Oh, by the way, congratulations on losing your weight.

WV: lesse. "64%" like "4 out of 5 doctors" ... Let's see, heck, I'm too lazy to do the math or properly document source.

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA! I can't believe someone reading about CAKE got this worked up about the mention of fat people-- or cartoon characters, actually. Take a look around at America, because you're in good company here. The reality is that being fat is a widespread condition here (forgive me, couldn't help myself), and fat people are just part of the landscape almost anywhere you go in the U.S. these days. I'm just grateful that I'm included in the demographic that's harder to kidnap. I count on it, actually, because I can't run all that fast.

--An American Cake Eater, and Not So Slight Myself

Anonymous said...

Interesting how so many of these are cupcake cakes(ptooie!). And after paging through the 2003 Wilton Idea Book... I think I found where this idea started.

So here's the challenge to you Wilton-philes out there... what was the year the first cup cake cake showed up? There are at least 6 in the 2003 Idea Book.

Andrea in Ohio

wv: tardane: the flame retardant icing used to decorate cupcake cakes (ptooie!)

meg in mirth said...

Um, ick. That wasn't so fun.

Jenny said...

What's up with Tink's nose? Ew.

Shalen said...

I've just realized why Europeans are always telling us fat Americans to lose weight.

It's because they want to kidnap us.

I, for one, plan to eat some chocolate immediately.

c is for cookie said...

Anonymous said...
From what I've heard Cookie Monster has been renamed "Veggie Monster" on the show...this cake is probably why.
__________________
Are you sure? I saw a recent episode and cookie made abby wish for a forest of cookie trees.

As 20 something year old, I grew up watching cookie monster hold a pipe on monster piece theatre and i have NEVER had the urge or need or want to smoke a pipe. I also dont want to shove cookies down my throat...just food for thought sesame producers..

lalalalal said...

Um im fat (and yes very active) and im not offended by this post.

I like that Nemo looked "run over" or that in someone's mind mickey looked "correct"

Sad but true said...

LuciaB said...
Fat people are harder to kidnap!! Yes! I say this all the time. You never hear "The victim was grabbed off the street, please be on the lookout she is 5'2" and 230lbs."
_____________________
LOL I live in a country where people are kidnapped often(sad but true).
I too often joke that it would be hard to lift and bundle me into the back seat of a car.

crownring said...

Spidey has a fat head? Oh, my! What have they done to you, Peter Parker?

michael said...

Wow!! What happened to Nemo? Was he run over by a truck or something? The spiderman cake really made my day, I can't get over laughing at the look of that cake. It looks good though to eat it with my morning coffee Hahaha. Great pics!

Carmen said...

John and Jen-you guys rock!
The following is my song to Erin (to the tune of Hey Mickey)
Hey Erin
You're so blind
You're so blind and so not kind
Hey Erin

Anonymous said...

You know, with the exception of Sunday Sweets posts, I consider this site to be kind of a diet-friendly blog. Not once have I craved cake after seeing the examples here. Now if you can just help me see how m&m's are unappetizing, I'll save myself a lot of calories.

Anonymous said...

If the bacon were on the side I would totally eat the donut bar.

Molly said...

Ahem. I am not fat. I am just a tad bit chubberz.

also, that Nemo is terrifying.

Sandi said...

I love the Tinkerbell comment!

Pretzelogic (Philly, PA) said...

wv: danda: a post like this is bound to incite some folks to get their danda up... heh.

Thanks for all the funny... and Happy New Year, Jen & John!

Pretzelogic (Philly, PA) said...

wv: defoll: To anyone worried about their appearance, remember - pride comes before defoll!

Jennifer said...

Jenn and John: I, too, fall into the overweight category. My husband says that I'm still beautiful, and I believe him.

John: I am so glad to hear that you find your wife sexy even if she isn't a perfect "size 6" or whatever. Men like you are few and far between. I'm glad that I have a good husband and Jenn does, too!

If I may, there is a site on the internet that you CAN "go a single day without being slapped in the face with the idea that being fat is at best a cause for ridicule, and at worst a moral failing deserving of being cast into eternal damnation for."

That site is www.operationbeautiful.com. I check it EVERY DAY, and it is all about ending Fat Talk. It's about finding the beauty in everyone, regardless of size or weight.

Keep the wrecks and the commentary coming, Jenn and John! You guys brighten my day!!

WV: Teyste: "Some of the people on here are way to teyste when it comes to jokes."

Ingeborg said...

Oh my god, what happened to poor Nemo? hahhaha. That's terrifying XD

And really, I'm overweight and I love this post. Sometimes you need to laugh at yourself and see the humour in things, or life gets really, really sad. I know this, because I used to take everything to heart. But, really, it's so much easier to see the humour in certain things. (Not saying we should laugh at people being malicious, but certainly, a funny perspective on it shouldn't be a huge issue.)

Dharmamama said...

Is it bad that the only thing I could think of while at that "This is Why You're Fat" site was, "Hmmm... wish I had that recipe!"

sharon said...

Speaking of fat people being hard to kidnap, have you seen the video game called "Fat Princess"? You really should google it. It's something else...

Jenn said...

Jen,

You referenced thisiswhyyourefat.com. And references like these are why you rock harder than everyone I've seen blog.

Wreck on!

Jenn

Christina said...

@Jennifer
"I am so glad to hear that you find your wife sexy even if she isn't a perfect "size 6" or whatever."
Old school Sweet Valley High reference?

To everyone else who might be offended: I'm about as sensitive to weight issues as a person can get. So much so that I feel awkward and hypocritical because I am losing weight on doctors orders. That said, nothing about this post offended me. Well, nothing Jen wrote, some of the cakes on the other hand...

WV: undess-don't get your undess in a bunch, it's cake!

Anonymous said...

My 5 year old saw this post today. He wanted to know why someone squashed Nemo. And as a family of Disney lovers, he should have recognized Mickey, but refuses to beleive me that that cake is Mickey. Not our beloved Mickey.

caferacers66 said...

is that Madonna?

Anonymous said...

I love what my wife just said - "It's Jabba the Cookie Monster!"

Anonymous said...

Tinkerbell reminds me of Quagmire from "Family Guy"... she needs to rethink the nose job!

The Lilac Pilgrim said...

My one thought to add:

Fat bottomed girls, we make the wreckin' world go round ;)

~Aileen

Kelly L said...

I never comment, but this was hysterical! You guys are very funny and a pleasure to read. Thanks.

Sexy Sadie said...

I think the last one looks like Lizzie McGuire.

Laura Pouquer said...

No hating on fat people- but I'm concerned from a health standpoint what all this "I'm great as I am" or "I'm happy as I am" attitude is.

I used to be obese. I didn't hate myself. But I wasn't healthy- had high blood pressure, tons of back pain. You can't think you're great as you actually are if you're UNHEALTHY at the same time.

I lost 100 pounds, 3 years ago. I can't tell you how much happier I am now that I can exercise and now that I'm not in constant pain.

Here's to losing weight and eating in moderation so as to have the healthiest, happiest lifestyle- and not to fit into a preconieved stereotype of what beautiful is.

John, if you love your wife, then support her in trying to be healthy, and the same should go for her. You'll have more years with her that way.

-Laura Pouquer

Bethany P said...

Amelia 2 1/2 about the spiderman "Look at that scarey one"

Commercial Coffee Machines said...

wow these cakes really look great!

Nora said...

Tink is looking awfully like Anna Nicole Smith.

Cupcakes Lady said...

Thats some scary cake art right there. Waw. xx