The Cherry (Blossoms) On Top

One of the hottest new trends in weddings today is the cherry blossom wedding cake:

Source

This elegant design not only looks beautiful, but is a cinch to make, too! In fact, here are a few tips to ensure your own cherry blossom cake looks as gorgeous as this.

First, always make sure your icing is niiiice and smooth.

It helps if you lick your fingers first, so they slide smoothly over the icing.

Next, mold or pipe your branches to gracefully scale the tiers of your cake in a natural, realistic fashion.

I know it's hard to believe but, yes, that's really just icing.

Remember, the flowers are the most important part!

[Crickets chirping]

It's usually best to leave off a wedding topper for this style, but if you do choose to have one, make sure it's simple, understated, and elegant.

Note the baker's restraint. Not a single balloon animal!

And finally, when all else fails, remember:

You can always jam a stick in it and charge $200.

(Yes, this was someone's actual wedding cake.)

(And they paid for it.)

(With money.)

Leanne W., Danielle L., Moxie, Holly J., and Robert V. did you know you can make a forty dollar cake look like a 500 dollar cake with just some cookies and sprinkles? Just imagine what you could charge if you jammed a stick in it!

- Related Wreckage: Wedding Day Advice

Merci!

Have you heard of the Croquembouche [CROCK-you-EAM-butchy]? It's a French thing. Well, if not, here's what it's supposed to look like:

So kinda like old, cobweb-wrapped monkey bread. But in a yummy way.

Well, a certain anonymous person - who shall remain unnamed to protect her anonymity - found this gem at a wedding which she may or may not have anonymously attended:

I believe her exact words were, "it looks like some kind of primitive jungle cake being attacked by a swarm of lactating spider-wasps."

Mmmm, lactating spider-wasps...

Well, uh, Jane D. [wink wink], thanks for putting a new spin on these things.

Update: I think it's important to ask yourself a couple of questions before commenting here on Cake Wrecks:
Question: Did John and Jen really intend to give us the pronunciation of a word?
Answer: No.
Question: Are John and Jen complete and total idiots?
Answer: No.
Question: Do they...
Answer: No.
Question: Would they...
Answer: No.
Question: What about...
Answer: No.
That is all.

- Related Wreckage: MORE Weird Wedding Cakes (with the famous "albino booby tower")

A Whiter Shade of Pale

This past week I neglected to post any cakes highlighting the Native Americans' vital role in the founding of Thanksgiving. This is a grievous oversight, and one which I will attempt to remedy now.

Er...

"Look, I appreciate that he's lily-white and blue-eyed, but do you think you could do something about the brown hair? It seems so...I don't know...ethnic."

"Well, I *could* make his hair lighter, but there's a problem."

"What's the problem?"

"That's our Jesus design."

Hey, Shahala H. & Michele P., don't be afraid to let them show; your true colors are beautiful. (Like a rainbow.)

- Related Wreckage: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow


Note: Just to be clear: I am NOT making fun of Jesus. I am making fun of the fact that He is so often portrayed here in the U.S. as a blue-eyed Caucasian. That is all. Grain of salt, folks: take everything here with one.

Sunday Sweets: Fall Edition

Before we head into December, the height of hectic holiday hoopla, let's take a moment to consider some of the prettiest Fall-themed cakes this side of candy cane lane.

First, a so-simple-it's-sweet gem:

(Made by Mike's Amazing Cakes. Of course.)

I think I kind of love those little egg birds.

Here's a neat idea; it reminds me of Mission-style stained glass:

(Made by LovinSullivanCakes.)

Next is a more traditional, fondant-free style:

(Made by Sedona Wedding Cakes.)

And now a similar design, done with fondant:

(Made by Melissa at Wild Cakes.)

You all know I'm a sucker for the cute, too, so here's a little "aww" factor:

(Made by Doodle Cakes.)

After our marathon of Wrecky turkey cakes, some of you asked if there were *any* good turkey cakes out there. So, we started looking. And the answer, pretty much, is no.

See, no matter how you slice it [smirk], turkeys are NOT attractive animals. So your best option is to make it cartoony and cute, like this one.

In fact, the best turkey cake I've seen this year was made by CW reader Belle, who isn't even a professional. She admits that the cookie "feathers" weren't quite what she wanted, but overall this guy is pretty darn adorable:

See? Great job, Belle!

UPDATE:
I just received another comically cute turkey cake from baker Ayse Yaman. Check it out:

I love the slightly demented look on his face. Makes you wonder what he's eating, huh? :) Thanks, Ayse - great job!

- Similar Sweets: Cutie-Patootey Dragon Babes

A Fine Feathered Salute

NOTE: Today's post contains material (namely icing) in unintentionally unseemly shapes. There are also some poop jokes. If you are offended by unintentionally unseemly icing shapes or poop jokes, you will not like today's post. In other words: Hide the children!!

That said, everything here is safe for work (as always) and will most likely sail cleanly over the heads of the very young. Still, parents should note that CW has always been, and always will be, a PG-rated site.

Now, on to the unintentionally unseemly icing shapes!

Last week we established pretty much every possible way turkey cakes can be wrecked...except one.

You see, turkey cakes have two inherent flaws. First, they're made out of chocolate icing...

which looks like poo.

This you know.

However, the other problem - which I have avoided mentioning until now - is that they also tend to have long skinny bodies and blobular heads, which can look, well...

a little stiff.

Combine these two unfortunate predilections, and you get:

The turkey poo-wang.
(Nice "legs.")

Here's another:

This guy looks pretty shocked. Think that's because his beak fell off, or because he's so surprisingly out of proportion?*

*ACTUAL DIALOGUE WHILE WRITING THIS POST:

Me: I'm not sure about "surprisingly out of proportion."

John: Why, what's wrong with it?

Me: Well, it's quite a mouthful.

John: [screeching laughter]

Me: [innocently] What?

Turkey: the other dark meat.

Katey S., Owen H., Paula W., Laura I., & Lola P., these Wrecks give new meaning to "giving you the bird," don't they?

- Related Wreckage: Butterfly Misses